Holidays are complicated. Christmas card lists, presents, parties, expectations, duty, guilt, friendship, family…. all these things compressed into a few hours, but prepared for with great anxiety, effort and care. I always think a lot about the giving aspect of this season – I love the opportunity to show those who mean a great deal to me that…. they mean a great deal to me. But this Christmas is a little different – for a lot of reasons. And since I now have this literary canvas I thought I would share what was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever written – but words and message that I will remember forever and seem appropriate for the season.
So – Merry Christmas everyone – Happy Holidays – Peace as you celebrate whatever spirit brings you comfort and courage. I hope this year I remember a bit more that it truly is the little things in life that matter the most. I hope I’m more like my mom. I hope that wherever she is tonight – she knows I am thinking of her and proud to be her daughter….
Some thoughts as shared in the eulogy I wrote and shared for mom this past October…
…. To say that the mother / daughter relationship has many interesting dynamics would be a gross understatement as I’m sure every mother and daughter in this congregation can attest. Mine was no different. I knew everything my mom didn’t’ like about what I was doing because…… she told me….but did so with her own unique, “mother dialect” – where statements and questions took on an entirely new meaning after being translated.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” – really meant – “go back upstairs and change your outfit – what you have on is ridiculous.”
“I thought you said you were getting a haircut” – really meant – “I hope you didn’t pay for that because I don’t believe they used a scissors”
“That’s a very nice color. I don’t think I have one like that – but really, I don’t need any new shirts” – really meant – “I’ll take it in a size medium.”
“Have you tried any new lipsticks lately” – really meant – “you don’t wear enough color Mary.”
“Do you know what time it is?” – really meant – “Why on earth are you calling me during The Closer… (or CSI..or NCIS.. or any other abbreviated-entitled television program that was clearly much more interesting that anything I could possibly have to say)”.
And on top of this unique dialect – there was this extraordinary logic – that could never be argued with, despite my endless attempts.
I can remember after getting my license, asking my mother if I could borrow the car each evening – and night after night when I would ask, she would simply say, without every looking up, “She’s in for the night”…. as if we had adopted a new person into the family and she was prohibited from leaving the garage after sunset. One evening in my infinite wisdom, I left a note on the garage door that read – “I open as well as close. With love, the garage door.”
The next morning I found the note still there with an added sentence….
“Only if I say so….”
That was my mom – quick witted, stubborn, and sometimes from a daughter’s perspective, exasperating.
But my mom was so much more.
I can remember during one of the hardest times of my life, I came home to find divorce papers waiting for me in the living room. Not the type of mail you want to receive especially if you have a father who is a deacon and a mother with her own special dialect – of which I was sure, was going to be exercised…..
But then as she has done so many times – she demonstrated her true grace. Upon arriving home, and telling her what had been delivered, she simply put her arm around me and said – “Together we will get through this”.
You see – my mom knew what mattered in life. She understood what was important to her and she chose to demonstrate those beliefs through actions rather than proclamations. In her quiet greatness, she lived a life rooted in her faith, built on a belief system of compassion and service and demonstrated without the need for recognition or pomp.
My mom was an amazing woman who had the intelligence of a doctor, but chose a life of service as a nurse. Allowing her to provide comfort as well as care, solace as well as attention.
My mom was an amazing woman who had the ability of a writer, but chose instead to be an avid reader – taking great pleasure in the talents of others, needing no spotlight of her own.
In a world where bluster and righteousness seem to be a measure of greatness, my mother simply said no. To all that didn’t matter – she turned her head and looked the other way. And then modeled for the rest of the world what grace and civility look like and how empathy for others can fuel a life more than any material possession or public recognition ever could. My mom was a quiet hero and a quiet Christian – who chose to live with a soft voice, love without condition, and practice what so many others just preach.
A couple of weeks ago, my dad was sitting at her feet rubbing them with her favorite lotion…. and she looked at me and said, “It’s the little things Mary, don’t ever forget that.”
And so today – after we all leave here and regain our strength, and carry on with our daily lives as I know we all will and should – I hope we do more than just remember my mom…
I hope we take heed and model her reminder to me in our daily lives….
It truly is the little things….
It’s sending a card to a friend – for no reason.
It’s being there… when it’s hard, not just when it’s easy…
It’s opening a door for a stranger… and doing so with a smile…
It’s putting the cell phone down at the dinner table….
It’s being kind and considerate to those who can offer you nothing…
It’s being more like my mom.
For the rest of my life I will be proud to be the daughter of Margaret O’Donnell Cullinane – a quiet hero – who never sought recognition or reward.
And so today – I ask if you will all join me in standing and giving her the ovation she never wanted… but always deserved.
Happy holidays everyone – and remember to tell the quiet heroes in your life that they are making a difference 
but I’m loyal), reflecting on my new freedom and new journey ahead! I bet my readership will be waiting with bated breadth for updates…
